Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Not a weakness

Nate, your entries warm my heart. I want to say that I don't believe H.F.A is a weakness. Our biggest challenge in life makes us who we are. Each day that we face it, we become stronger. Everyone has something, no matter what. Your something is high functioning Autism.

I marvel at how our somethings- your H.F.A and my hearing loss- though very different things, often have a very similar outcome. We both get left out often and we both wish we connected with people more and made friends more easily.

Diagnoses and labels are a curious thing. Seems to be something that has evolved in our society to categorize everyone who doesn't fit in the way they are 'supposed' to. Would Nate have become isolated and fallen through the cracks two hundred years ago? I seriously doubt it. He'd probably be working on a farm or in a small rural town where the community looks out for him, supports him, and see him as an endearing and unique person.

Nate, I am so happy to see you writing. Three posts already. I started to worry last night after your first post that maybe you wouldn't be able to post again. I worried that it might become something that you focused on so much, trying to write it just the way you wanted to, that you wouldn't be able to enjoy it. I don't want it to be something that keeps you up at night.

I think one of the hardest traits of H.F.A is the perseverating that creates an intense cycle of anxiety and worry. Often people with H.F.A will stress over experiences and things people said or did that may not even register with someone without H.F.A. My hope is that this blog is always something comfortable and interesting for Nate. If it is otherwise, I hope he'll write about that too.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Just a Weakness

When the day is all done and you’re lying in your bed. You’re thinking about why am I like this? Day to day you avoid people, saying you don’t need them until your crying inside. The uncertainly of who you are but you’re not alone. High Functioning Autism creeps up on more and more people. There is hope in the air and it's not snow flakes but that does make me happy. You will make friends if you learn how to communicate and look into peoples eyes. Everyone has a weakness and H.F.A is just one of them. Weaknesses can be overcome so dust of the dust. You can start lifting weights and exercises and you will feel good about yourself. Go out there and be great and make friends.

Monday, January 28, 2008

A window

I'm so excited to see that Nate has posted! Also, it's great to see other people have marked their locations on the map. No comments yet though. We'd like to hear about your experience, especially if you are a young adult with high functioning autism/ PDD-NOS, or a family member.

I think it took a long time for anyone in our family to realize that Nate had something more. We didn't realize he wasn't just being a quiet, easy going kid with a very contagious laugh. When you live with him every day and grow up with him, you don't see it. It was junior high, I think, when Nate was first tested.

I am still in denial. I always feel like Nate teeters right on the edge of being just like the rest of us, and if he would just make the leap or if the conditions are just right, he will. The reality is that I am imposing the expectations of a majority, non-autistic society. Nate's experience, and his life, will be unique. What becomes clear to me is that I don't understand his experience. I don't really know what it is like- his perspective, thoughts, feelings and experiences. Often, his facial expression and body language does not convey all that is going on inside.

Maybe this blog will be like a window for Nate and his family.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

What is high functioning autism?

I googled "high functioning autism" and looked at the first 20 or so web pages and articles. They were TERRIBLE. They leave no clear sense of what it is, what it means, what it looks like, and do not acknowledge the fact that the individual falling under the high functioning autism/PDD-NOS spectrum is a human being. If I had an autism diagnosis and I googled it to find out more, I can't imagine how I would feel right now after reading those pages.

Nate is very sensitive, sweet, funny and earnest. He is passionate about his interests: playing guitar, writing songs, playing video games, and watching TV shows. He has his driver's license. He talks and laughs and connects with others by playing games. He has worked a variety of jobs in the last four years and none have lasted in this fast-paced, convoluted, impatient world.

He is too "high functioning" for disability checks or other means of support. The bare minimum case management he receives at a local agency continues to peter out, one after another. He falls through the cracks. He lives with his parents. He dreams of having his own apartment. We imagine the ideal would be an apartment with a kind, trustworthy roommate who looks out for him when he needs it. We imagine the ideal would be other young adults with similar interests and needs calling him up to see a movie or come over to play games.

We've imagined it a long time. The years go by.

Monday, January 21, 2008

An Idea

I have discovered that blogging can be an invaluable way to create communities and to make connections regardless of distance and location. Today inspiration struck that perhaps one can be created for young adults with high functioning autism, like my brother Nate. Maybe this blog, and others like it, can become a tool to help create friendships, daily living and job support, and ultimately lead to a fulfilling degree of independence and accomplishment.

I firmly believe you are out there, isolated in Mom and Dad's house. You are out there, all over the country. Perhaps you have had a lifetime of isolation and you have been painfully aware of every minute of it. You want friendships and relationships. But it has not happened. It should not be this way. This can change.

I hope for my Mom to write and share her experiences. I hope for Nate to write and share his experiences. I hope for you to comment on our entries. With each comment we receive, we will post it in a new entry and create a forum of communication.